Shaolin Soccer (2001)

Before there was Samurai tap dancing -- before there was Kung Fu Hustle -- they were still dancing in the streets in...

Shaolin Soccer (2001)

Stephen Chow: check !

Subtitled Chinese version: check !

Kick the can: check !

Sweetie's Steamy Bun Fu: check !

Zatoichi/Karate Kid soccer coach: check !

Bad New Bears: SCOOOOORE!!!

Dastardly Villain: these American drugs are strong !

E.T.: play goal !

Kung Fu banana peels: a recurring theme !

I don't know who first put street dancing in kung fu films, but whoever did is a ****ing genius. See the subtitled version, and as soon as possible, check it out!

Bonus question for Wong Kar-wai fans: Who is #11 on the white team? No googling!

Bonus bonus question, who was resurrected from the grave to play goal in this clip? 

Shaolin Soccer (2001) Reconsidered

Missed PAT engenders Team Evil: Check!

Dastardly Villain breaks promise!: Check!

Fusion of Mind To Foot: People’s-Republic Kung-Fu Promo Man to the rescue!

Sung to the tune of…

Let’s try: Kung Fu Parking, Kung Fu Banana Peels, Kung Fu Hedge Clipping, Kung Fu Folk Trio: Nope!!!

Kung Fu Soccer!!!

Tai Chi Dumplings: Sweeties!!!

Form a team with: Misfits!

Scrimmage with a gang and gang joins team!: Even more Misfits!!!

Bring on Team Evil!:  These American drugs work better than expected! (I’d love to unpack the modifier ‘American’ in terms of geo-political propaganda!)

Dumpling Girl: Magic Sneakers!

Tai Chi Dumplings => Taifun Goalie!

This time the GoodGuys Win!!!

“Expiate originally referred to warding off evil by using sacred rites, or to using sacred rites to cleanse or purify something.” -- Merriam Webster

Sacred rites vary from country to country, from culture to culture. The closest thing America has to a sacred rite is baseball--or even better, Little League Baseball, but in other parts of the world it is soccer. A team of misfits wins the championship and a coach is redeemed.

P.S. We won’t have truly inclusive Academy Awards until we have an Oscar for Facial Expressions.